"Most of the women who complain that they are not getting what they want from heir husbands should stop and look at how disrespectful and disdainful they are of them. They should look at what they put their time and energy into at the expense of him and their marriage. It would be a stunner for them to realize that they try harder to impress strangers than they try to impress the person who is supposed to be the most important to them (pg xvi of intoduction)."
My marriage to Mike is what I have always described as strong, we work as a team and have enjoyed strength in this unity. Yet there has been something missing, and I couldn't quite pin it down. I never realized what the missing element was until now. I have been putting other obligations and priorities before the man that I married, even putting my children before our marriage. As it says in the book "You had a husband long before you had children." I have been changing little things about my behavior and have noticed these little changes reciprocated in my relationship with my husband. Some of the ideas for making sure that Mike is my priority are:
- Temple trips
- Date nights
- A call of affection during the day
- A simple love note
- A kiss at the door
- Putting on a nice outfit while at home in the day, instead of pj's
- Request his opinion on family matters more often
- A comment of appreciation for something well done on his part
- A hug
- A home cooked meal
- A backrub
- Turn off the TV and just enjoy good conversation and laughter with him
- Listen to him, respond and act interested in his interests
- Express real problems maturely, instead of complaining
- Tell him how he can improve, don't nag!
P.S. Has anyone else read this book?
4 comments:
I have not read this book, but after reading your post, I would like to read it! The quote from the book is so true! It's hard to remember that though. It is the little things that matter; and as moms of little kids I think it's so easy to always put our kids first...and that often leaves our hubbies feeling neglected. I know I am guilty of that. Thanks for the post; it's really made me think! And you are awesome! You and I should have a movie night over here or over at your place! It would be fun!!!
I have read that book. It makes some good points, and it helped me to change my perspective a little. Funny thing is Spencer read it first. He liked it a lot and felt justified in his belief that his wife wasn't doing enough for him. When I read it, I realized I could change some of my behavior, but I also felt good that I was doing a lot of things right. At least I wasn't as bad as some of those other women in the book. I've heard that her book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Your Marriage," is good too although it repeats a lot of the same stuff as the first book. I think that this book would be the best for a couple to read together and discuss. Because certainly the wife has a great deal of influence in the marriage, but if she and her husband believe that she is the only one who needs to change then the marriage doesn't quite work. Like Dr. Laura says, both need to give 100%.
P.S. I really like all your ideas about being a better wife. Those little things really make a difference and reap good feelings on both sides.
I haven't read it yet, although I've been recommended to read it when Kyle and I first started dating. It sounds like a great and beneficial book, next time I'm at the library I'll have to see if I can check it out. Thanks for the recommedation! =)
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